My mom and I have two very different shopping styles. She loves to stroll through every store, stopping to touch virtually each item, then call me over to see each new discovery. I shop with specific items or purpose in mind…I can stand in the doorway and know immediately if the shop is worth checking out. My mom will go in just because it’s open.
A few weekends ago, her town was having a ‘Christmas on the Square’ event, so we met for an afternoon of lunch and shopping. After a few stores, and my 87th ‘oh yeah, that’s cute!’, I started migrating to the snack tables to keep myself occupied (because remember, I assessed the store in 2.5 minutes, she needed another 30 to see and touch everything).
One particular store had a plate of homemade bark that I couldn’t seem to stay away from. Every few minutes, I’d casually walk by and snag another piece. At one point my mom even said, ‘How many of those are you going to eat?!? You’ve almost finished the entire plate!’ At which point I wanted to say, ‘Listen, lady, you’re the reason I just ate 47,000 calories of crack, so you’d better buy something in this friggin’ shop!’ Oh wait, I did say that. It must have been all the sugar talking.
I finally hunted the store owner down, and demanded in my most polite tone for the recipe of the bark she dared put in front of unsuspecting people. It cost me my firstborn, but since he’s now a teenager, I felt like it was a fair trade.
Oh you salty, sweet, chewy, crunchy devil…..you’d better Git in Mah Belly!
We promptly shoved back the entire first batch without stopping to breathe or chew. So a second batch was required for the neighbor gifts. Good thing it’s so fast and easy to make!
Disclaimer: Make this recipe at your own risk…Hi Sugarplum is not liable for any irrational behavior that may stem from eating this crack.