I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions. Not because I don’t believe in them, or goals in general. I like the idea of resolutions…or rather, I like the process of sitting down with a brand-new notebook, a freshly-sharpened pencil, and the time to brainstorm. But it usually stops there. If I’m being truthful with myself, I never set resolutions because deep down I know I’ll fail at them. So why set myself up for failure?! If I never resolve to do anything, then I can’t fail at it, right?! No one is disappointed, especially me.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not flailing about life with no aim or purpose. But I know if I resolve to drink 100 ounces of water daily, run a marathon, never yell at my kids, put down the phone, be in bed by 10pm, unpack the rest of our boxes (yes, from moving two years ago), cut out sugar, and start a monthly supper club…I’m likely to fail by January 2nd. Okay, maybe I’ll make it to the 4th or 5th.
I guess my problem with resolutions is they’re so, well, resolute. There’s no give, no room to bend, no yielding. I’m a horribly flawed human…I need some flexibility! But I do like having a life mantra, or personal mission statement of sorts. Something that allows me to acknowledge my flaws, and sets in place the opportunity to improve, without the pressure of a pass/fail.
A few years ago, I realized I allowed myself to get paralyzed with indecision, by always waiting for the perfect moment or opportunity before tackling projects and ideas. I would be more overwhelmed with the weight of what I intended to do, than the actual task itself. So I set my mantra that year to ‘Just Start Somewhere.’ Instead of tossing an idea around 1000 times in my head, I jumped right in. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I have to start over…but at least I have forward momentum.
So when this New Year rolled around, I wasn’t resolving to work out more, or eat fewer tacos #blasphemy, but there was a word that kept popping in my head…a word, that strangely enough, usually annoys me.
There’s really nothing that irritates me more, than when someone (usually my loving spouse) says, ‘You need to relax!’ Because let’s be honest…it’s not usually a phrase uttered out of love or concern, but rather, because I’m driving him bonkers! Webster defines the offensive word as:
- to make less tense or rigid
- to make less severe or stringent
- to deprive of energy, zeal, or strength of purpose
- to relieve of nervous tension
- to treat hair chemically in order to relax curls
Okay, the last one is slightly irrelevant to my point, but I’m nothing if not thorough. And that, my friends, is part of the problem. I’m thorough to a fault. I’m gripping so hard to life, to control, to the people around me, that I’m full of rigidity. I see one way. And that, according to Webster, deprives us of energy, zeal, and strength of purpose. Not exactly the life I’m going for.
So my word this year is Relax.
Relax my grip.
Relax my control.
Relax my expectations.
Relax my fears.
Relax my authority.
Relax my thinking.
Relax my body.
I want to allow myself to not be in charge, to not take control, to loosen the reigns…to give the people around me space to take the lead. To let things fall, or even fail, and be okay with it. I don’t resolve to doing it overnight, everyday, or even every week. But I promise myself to try. Starting with handing over the task of grocery shopping! #babysteps #dontforgetwine
Do you have a word or phrase for 2017? I’d love to hear your take on resolutions and personal goals! Do you have a white-knuckle grip on life, too?
{Currently Loving}
Yes. Yes. Yes. I love this Cassie!
This is my word for 2017 too. My husband uses the ‘you need to relax’ phrase often, and it drives me crazy! He’s probably onto something though.
I mean, I guess. 😉 xo
I have read your blog for a long time, but never left a comment. I really identify with your thoughts in this post! I need to adopt the same word in 2017. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much, Kelly…I’m thrilled I pulled you out of lurkdom! 😉 xo
Yes! I picked a word for the first time this year. It just sprang out at me “simplify”. Life is too crazy and I need to get back to basics so I don’t make myself crazy.
I can’t do full-on resolutions either, I’ve never stuck with them.
Amen to that!!
I’ve never had a word for the year until this year. And you are the first to know about it lol. Even this morning the word cozy came to mind when getting dressed. Cozy is a lot like relax. I’m striving to keep a cozy atmosphere which there for hopefully will help me relax a little. The danish word is hygah (hope I’m spelling that correctly). Great post, Cassie.
I love that, Christina!!! xo
I stopped making resolutions several years ago. I believe you have to make changes in your life the moment you become motivated, not 1 January of every new year. Silly tradition!
I am somewhat ADHD, a worrier and multi tasker. I get the “Relax!” from my hubby all the time. It seems to work. Just that one little word – that reminder, calms my soul….really.
My new phrase, as of today is #2old4this
I have two words this year which basically amount to the same idea as you “let go”!
Love this post!
NOURISH is my word for 2017. This year I turn 40 and I started the year with a completely different perspective. I want to NOURISH my faith, marriage, family, home and friends.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog.
Love this!!! Happy big birthday year…welcome to the decade of enlightenment! 😉 xo
My husband’s word for me is “Settle”. Drives. Me. Insane. If I had to choose one from myself it would be, “Stay Present”. I spend too much time in my head, thinking, planning, escaping. I need to spend more time staying present in the here and now.
OHMYGOSH…my son will say, ‘Settle down, Mom!’ and it’s all I can do to not smack him! 😉 I’ll show you settle, smarty! 🙂 Staying present is always at the top of my goal list, too. xo
Oh my gosh, I so relate to this! Relax is a good one, but agreed ~ it is annoying hearing it from a loved one 🙂 My word this year is FEARLESS. I don’t want my fear of failure to hold me back anymore. I’m going to work at just going for it! Thanks for your insight today.
Oh man, fear is certainly something I let control me, too! Go for it, girl!!
I just discovered your blog this weekend. I love your style, your outlook, and especially your words (I am an English teacher and love your writing style). My word is “Joy”. I am divorced with two amazing children. We have someone in our lives who steals our joy at times. It is a reminder to not let him have that power over us. I also am an extremely positive person, and the negativity in our country that has so much is disturbing. At times I feel my heart is too tender for this world, so I seek the joy and have become much more spiritual. Working in a school surrounded by women (ahem) tends to bring out the claws at times. That’s when I feed off the joy of my 4th graders. My goal each day is to put a smile on their faces. Hearing a “that was fun” is icing on the cake. I also play to their joy in the crazy. Christmas time? Play to that in every lesson. Possible snow? Play off that crazy and remember the joy it gave me….still does. A year of seeking out joy….can’t wait!
I love your comments on people stealing Joy and not letting them! I have always wanted to make so many people happy, comfortable, included and recently I realized that if I have to try so hard with certian people all of the time then they are taking the Joy from my own experience. Thank you!!!
My aunt always tells me, ‘If someone shows you who they are, believe them.’ I have a tendency to give unlimited chances and hope someone will change…but people are who they are. Sometimes it’s hard to walk away, but it’s usually the healthy thing. I’ll replace myself with my kids and think, ‘Would I allow someone to treat my daughter like this?’ If not, then it’s not okay to allow them to treat me like that! xo
I can’t tell you how much I love and appreciate your comment, Lisa! I was a journalism major/english minor, so writing is such a huge part of blogging for me, and I’m thrilled you like it! Thank you for your kind comment and encouraging words! xo
My one word for 2017 is “nurture”. I love the idea of just choosing one word to focus on for the year.
Such a great word, Jenna!!
My one word this year is “Do.” I overthink everything…so now it’s time to jump and just do!
Get it, girl!!!
You are the best, Cassie! I have never met you and yet you are definitely my cyber friend. I found your blog a couple of years and ago and no matter how busy I am, I take the time for myself to read and enjoy your posts, so thank you! My word for this year is GRATEFUL. I find that if I stay in the present and am grateful for what I have and where I am, then the rest of life tends to sort itself out. Thanks for being there for us, Cassie! xoxoxo
You’re the sweetest, Stephanie, thank you!! I love your word, too. I just read a whole article about the power of being grateful and how it can literally transform our thinking! xo
My word this year is GRACE, actually in a similar meaning. Give more grace to myself, to others. Working on it!
Oh honey, aren’t we all! 🙂 xo
THANK YOU.
I love seeing all of the great one word ideas from everyone! I love reading your blog Cassie and I too have an iron grip on life! :0 I write more goals than resolutions, they help me stay focused but for the past two years I’ve chosen a word too. This year my word is Grace-accepting it for myself and offering it to others. Thanks for the great post!
I love that word and goal, Jennifer. Thanks for sharing it with us!! xo
I love it….and I hear that kind of thing often from my family and my mother. My “mantra” if you will for 2017 is waste not. More than once my family has told me I’m a fun waster…not because I don’t like to have fun but because I totally want to over plan the fun and then get disappointed when it doesn’t work out. I want to waste less moments, waste less time on things that strip my joy instead of fill me up and, oh yeah, waste less money on things I don’t really need and spend (save) more for the things I really want!
#soulsister xo
I picked a word for the first time this year, also. It’s NURTURE. I really want to different parts of my life, while letting go of (relaxing?) others. It actually feels nice to have that focus 🙂
Always love reading your blog and your journey!
Xo,
Michele
Thank you Michele, your support and comments over the years always make my day! I hope that nurturing includes yourself! xo
I have picked a word the last 3-4 years. My word this year is ENOUGH. As in I am enough, God is enough, and I have more than enough.
Yes you are…we all are! If only we could remember that, right!!! I love this, Pam, thanks for sharing! xo
As a professional health coach I know that making goals doesn’t work for a lot of people. Make a goal to substitute a mini-bag of M&Ms with an apple and next thing ya know…you’re eating a cake! My springboard to successes throughout life is: “Fake it ’till I make it”! Don’t wait! Just get busy! Play the role! Be that person now! Yes I’m a first time mom, look at me changing diapers! Yes I’m healthy, look at me walking 10 minutes every morning. Yes I’m an artist look at my paint-by-number! Play the role (even if you’re faking it), be consistent, and you will blossom!
Yes ma’am!! Mr SP is a therapist and he’s always preaching, er I mean, encouraging me to look at the small victories!! xo
LOVE THIS! Relax was my resolution word this year. EVERYONE in my life tells me to relax. You are not alone sister! My husband, parents, friends, even my daughter tells me I need to relax. I, just like you, try to “do” everything. It’s exhausting. And I’ve always been this way. My mom said when I was a little girl I used to line my dolls up by height (cray cray). I realized this year that I just don’t know HOW to relax. I try to sit and watch a movie and I see something on the other side of the room that could be reorganized or labeled differently or what not. I’m really going to try not to be so nutty this year 😉
I have been reading your blog for years and I enjoy it so much! Thank you for all you do!
Some call it nutty, I call it efficient! We can’t help we were blessed with the skill! 😉 xoxoxo
2017 is bringing a lot of changes for my family and me and I’m going to have to rise to the challenge and be the point of calm amidst all the chaos. My word is BALANCE – being able to remain steady while being pulled in multiple directions.
Such a strong word, Heather! I know you’ll be exactly what your family needs! Much love to you this year, and always! xo
Such a great post — thanks so much for sharing….it’s like you were inside my head!
I knew we were destined to be friends! 🙂 xoxo
Yes, I love this! Relax and just do it, relax and enjoy the process, sometimes it’s just Relax! Love the new site!
What a great post! Loved every single word!
Oh my! You have read my mind. Thanks for your honesty 🙂
I don’t like resolutions either, for exactly the reason you described. Somehow the world has turned them from goals designed to inspire progress to a pass/fail system of judging how we’re doing at life. If I made a resolution to give up sugar and was doing really well, but on January 10 someone brought brownies to work and I ate one, does that mean I failed, the rest of the year I’m free to eat as much sugar as I want, and I’ll try again next year? Of course not! It’s a small speed bump, and I’ll get back on track tomorrow. Goals are about progress, not perfection, and the only way you can fail is if you stop trying.
Amen, sister!!! Here’s to the small victories and giving ourselves some grace!! xo
Loved this post! My hubby has been known to tell me to “calm down” from time to time and it always makes me feel a little…less calm! 🙂 This is the first year that I’m trying having a word of the year and it’s grateful. 2016 was a year of big changes in my life and I spent a lot of energy focusing on the negative. I realized that I missed out on so much fun and happiness and I’m determined not to any longer, so I’ll be grateful.
I have a two-word mantra for the new year. Right now. I want to live my current life to the fullest and avoid so much of the past and future thinking. I have already wrought every lesson from the past that I can so let it go already. I have planned for the future but it may not come so it’s right now!
Mine is ‘Perspective’. When something trivial bugs me and I want to complain/whine/curse, like when our wireless went out and my husband was muttering something unprintable, I called out, ‘Perspective’.
To hit the point home, we have a friend in Dallas who’s 4 year old daughter is being treated for a rare form of aggressive cancer. When I see the family on Facebook, smiling and making the best of a horrible situation, it truly makes me stop and think, we CAN let the little things go.
As a mother, one drawback in trying to “be it all” for our family is by doing so, we don’t equip them to do it for themselves some day. I wanted my son to grow up to know how to cook, do laundry, pay bills, etc. and that meant I had to let him do it while he still lived with me. I also had to be honest about months when we had to choose – we can do this or this. Or let him know about time when regardless of how we budgeted, the furnace broke during the month that was least convenient financially and time-wise. He needed to see me handle the day-to-day and not just the fun. All that to say, RELAX is a word we all need to strive for and enjoy – because relaxing can be fun!
Let go and Let GOD! I’m moving out of HIS way…
Great great post! Love you
Greetings from Wagga Wagga, Australia! Long time reader – first time poster. Love your blog Cassie and particularly loved this post!
My word for the year is FOCUS. Whether I’m with my family, reading, exercising or eating I want to focus on doing what I’m doing when I’m doing it. Relax runs a close second too 😜
Dear Cassie, my word for 2017 is RESIST. RESIST bad energy, RESIST negativity. I will RESIST automatically assuming the worst. I will RESIST
making assumptions regarding others and myself. I need to realize I will always be a work in progress and that is ok. Happy New Year and can’t wait to see what the future holds for us all.
Cassie, I have been a avid reader of your blog for a long time. I love your posts but I think perhaps this is my favorite. I have been hearing from many friends concerning the one word and their words seemed so perfect. The words seemed to come easy. I have been wrestling with what my word could or would be and there lied the issue “I” was trying. I finally broke down and just became still for a while and let go of the trying and the word came… RELEASE. I tend to have a death grip on everything big and small. Time to realease it. I have been dealing with a fake friend who has been poisoning others. Time to realease the hurt. The list goes on and on. Thank you for sharing your heart.
YES! I love that word, and the meaning behind it. It’s time you gave yourself permission to release the toxins from your life!! Cheers to a happier 2017! xo