Hello, Monday. I’ve become pretty accustomed to all the holiday-induced short weeks lately…fingers crossed this first full week is a smooth one! It doesn’t help that we stayed up cuh-razy late binging ‘Making a Murderer’! Are you watching that show on Netflix? I’m so frustrated by it that I’m not sure I can watch the rest. I’m not convinced he’s innocent, nor that he was framed, and unfortunately we’ll never know the truth.
I spent the last week or so recapping all we accomplished and experienced in 2015, and while your comments are always genuinely nice and heartfelt, I also get the recurring question of “How do you DO IT ALL?!”
The question is usually followed-up with some sort of self-deprecating statement of their own perceived failures in the life/mom/fashion department. The comments always get me thinking about my own life, how I manage it, and how it’s perceived by others…particularly you guys. After tooting my own horn so much last week, I felt like it was a good time to pull back the blogger-veil a bit…just in case you were under the false impression I’m somehow living my life better than you.
The idea that anyone might think I “do it all” makes me laugh at the ridiculousness, and a little sad, because obviously I’ve built a facade here that contributes to believing in unrealistic standards. I mean really, who is doing it all?! Women are amazing, but no one person can do it all alone. I certainly can’t!
There’s no question that blogs (including my own) put their best face forward, almost a fantasy life. No piles of dirty laundry, no bagged-out eyes from sleep deprivation, no disappointed faces when mom doesn’t come through.
Which, I suppose, is similar to fashion magazines using highly-retouched photos of impossibly thin models…they give us an unrealistic view of how our bodies and lives “should” look, and for me, can induce piles of guilt for not meeting those standards. Obviously if you think my life and home always look like the pictures, then there is a lot I’ve managed to keep from you.
There is no such thing as balance between home, work, family, blog and self…because if one area is excelling, it’s usually at the detriment of another. I think of it more as juggling, and I live in fear of all the balls dropping. #twss
If I examine that further, the fear comes from being revealed as a fraud or failure…because I struggle with feeling worthy of so many blessings. Is this too honest for a blog post? Maybe.
Now, does this mean I think we should all start posting images of our toothpaste splattered sinks and reminder emails of forgotten appointments? No, we come to blogs for inspiration and ideas. I post projects and outfits because I love creating them, sharing them, and in the hopes that someone will be inspired by them. I really, truly love every aspect of blogging….creating something, photographing it, writing a post that hopefully engages and entertains, and the interactions that come from it. I do struggle to keep perspective with it, and remind myself constantly that it’s meant to be fun.
* I’m a complete Type-A, control-freak, master list maker, can’t be idle kind of person. Sounds fun, right? Want to hang out? #sarcasm I finally realized that my inability to let dishes sit in the sink, clothes hampers remain full, or enjoy an afternoon of doing nothing, was hurting my quality of life. Sure these things need to be done, but the world won’t stop if I don’t do them right away. And actually, the world was passing me by. I have to consciously work everyday to be more present with the people in my life, and not just the chores of it.
* I work part-time now, and mostly from home (read about that here), so that’s a lot of hours I have without kids, to work, run errands, buy project supplies, blog, etc. I bet you could get a lot done with that much time to yourself, too. However, working from home can be very isolating, so while it seems I’m connecting with people all day, it’s not the same when the majority of it is online. This has caused some strife in my marriage since Mr. SP wants to actually shutdown at the end of the day, not be verbally bombarded by a lonely wife!
* I may refer to this blog as my ‘fun, happy place’, but make no mistake, I work hard at it. Like really, really hard. Between my job and the blog (I refuse to refer to the blog as a ‘job’ because I love every aspect of it too much to think of it as ‘work’), I spend upwards of 60+ hours a week. It’s not Monday-Friday…it’s virtually everyday.
* I’m almost always tired.
* I have my fair-share of insecure moments…am I wearing the right thing, what do they expect from me, will they like me? But one of the gifts of getting older is also a ‘who gives a crap what they think’ mentality! Honestly, the older I get, the more confident I become with who I am, and what God gave me. Sure there are haters, but I know my heart and intentions, so I have to focus on the people that really matter. Isn’t that was Dr. Seuss said? “The people that matter, don’t mind…and those that mind, don’t matter.” #bam #micdrop #seusswisdom
* I have an amazing housekeeper that comes to my house twice a month. For some reason, I have a hard time admitting I need this help, but I swear I’m a better mom and wife because I don’t hold resentments about scrubbing toilets. #ittakesavillage
* Since much of the house crapola gets done during the week, my weekends are more open. The kid’s activities and schedules occupy a lot of it, but they are getting older now and have no interest in being glued to my side all day. That leaves quite a few hours for my own fun stuff…which for me, is painting, creating outfits, and taking pictures.
* The photos you see of my house on the blog are not accidental…those rooms have been picked-up, cleaned, styled and I’ve waited for the best light. If you drop by some time, you’ll find things strewn on the sofa, floor, kitchen counters…everywhere. Basically, evidence of life being lived. Although it does make me crazy…that goes back to that whole Type-A thing. 😉
* I miss school loan payments, forget permission slips, have dead houseplants and dirty baseboards. I lose it with my kids, get boiling mad at my husband, and have thoughts of running away. We eat cereal for dinner sometimes, I duck my head when the PTA asks for volunteers, and I have a broken relationship with my dad that gives me heaps of shame and rejection. I quietly suffered through the baby blues when my son was born, had to go on medication after my daughter came along, and I get lost in malls. (What does it say about me that my most embarrassing admission is the lost in malls part???)